Milkman

Oh, it's Friday the 13th today and no one cares aside from the fact that the new "Friday the 13th" film (brilliantly entitled "Friday the 13th" even though it's actually a sequel and not a remake) opens nationwide.

I won't be seeing it. It's by the same guys who remade the astoundingly good 1974 TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE into an astoundingly boring remake. How you can have Jessica Biel in a wet t-shirt running from a chain saw wielding maniac and still be boring is beyond me, but the remake managed to do just that. The same band of filmmaking morons also remade the really good 1986 "THE HITCHER" with Rutger Hauer as the most evil man in the world into a crap version with Sean Bean in the Hauer role. I mean, I like Sean Bean and everything, but he's no Rutger Hauer, that's for damn sure. Those remakes sucked my ass bigtime, so why would I watch the new "Friday"? The original is not a masterpiece of cinema or anything (unlike the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre in my humble opinion), but it had its moments. Hell, it even had Kevin Bacon! This one has even less to recommend it. The only thing it's really got is some slick photography and the fact that it opens on Friday the 13th of February, which is followed by Friday the 14th of February - which is conveniently Valentine's Day, and nothing says "date movie" like "crap ass slasher movie", I guess.

Seeing the credentials of those involved, I'll just wait for video and probably end up fast-forwarding through most of it.

...now if only it had been in 3D like MY BLOODY VALENTINE (which is a freakin' remake as well), I probably would have dragged my dumb ass out to see it. Why? Because I'm a sucker, that's why.

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